Of all the Buddhist groups in the West and possibly the whole world, Jodo Shinshu temples are the most experienced in weddings. Since Shinran Shonin was recognized as one of the first openly married teachers, it makes sense that we his followers acknowledge marriage as a significant rite and in most cases, something to celebrate. Before and even now after Shinran, the clergy in other Buddhist traditions are expected to be celibate and for them and their lay followers, any kind of bond between humans is derided as an obstacle to achieving enlightenment.
About once a month our temple gets a call or e-mail requesting a Buddhist wedding. In almost every case the parties are not Buddhist and are just looking for an exotic Asian backdrop for their ceremony or wanting to please relatives from Asia, so I refer them to other temples in the area. Unlike memorial services which are usually planned out in a week or two, wedding planning seems to consume several months. (The humorist Dave Barry commented that a wedding actually involves the same elements as a funeral – a minister, music and food, and asked why does one take so long to plan and the other is put together in a couple days.) I don’t want to tie up my time and mental energies on weddings, but I will take on requests from the members and friends of our temple.
(On the Buddhist Temple of Chicago dance floor)
The wedding we had this past Saturday was several years in the making. Tracy has been part of the temple since birth – her father’s extensive family has been involved in the temple since the early days. However, her mother and her side are Jewish. I had Tracy as my Dharma School student and I remember although her parents brought her and her sister to temple on most Sundays, there were times when their mother felt it was important for the family to be at synagogue. It wasn’t that much different from the interfaith couples whose kids alternated between Dharma School at our temple and Sunday School at a church.
Tracy was a trailblazer as a young adult in coming out as lesbian and her partner Patsy soon became a fixture at our temple, helping at various activities. So even though some of our elder members had to be continually educated (i.e. scolded) about the things they said or did that discriminated against new members because of their race or socio-economic status, we never had to preach to them about accepting same-sex couples because they had already embraced Tracy and Patsy as people they appreciated having around.
Several years ago when many churches and religious groups such as Soka Gakkai in Chicago started performing same-sex marriages, we asked Tracy and Patsy when would they like to have their ceremony at our temple. They said, “When it’s legal in Illinois.” Finally last year the state legalized same-sex marriages and this year when it became effective Tracy and Patsy got their license and had a small celebration at a Boys Town bar, but for the big bash at the temple they wanted time to plan.
And big bash it was. With about 100 guests – family, temple members (including Tracy’s pals from her Dharma School days), friends and business colleagues, it was quite a crowd of different ages and ethnicities. But for that night we were all cowboys – that is, the theme for the wedding and reception was the Old West. Everyone from the toddlers to the 80-somethings was dressed in western wear – big hats, bandanas and boots. For the ceremony I started out with “Howdy” and ended with telling the crowd to yell “Yee haw!” as the brides kissed.
There was a buffet that included the tender beef brisket Tracy’s mother made, served with Japanese rice. Then for a good three or more hours it was non-stop dancing – featuring a few country-western hits, but mostly the dance hits of the 1990s to today’s pop. At one point, I interrupted the DJ and put on “Tanko Bushi” (coal miner’s dance), so we could do some Bon Odori (Japanese folk dancing). Then what surprised me later was the DJ playing an extended version of “Hava Nagila.” The crowd first hoisted up the two brides, but then they came down and Tracy’s parents were seated in chairs with people in circles dancing around them and from time to time the dancers converged on the senior couple with shouts of “Mazel Tov!”
Probably any minister would be happy to see the sight – the temple so alive with the energy of young people having a good time. It’s possible we may not see many of those guests back at our temple for services, but at least they’ll be telling their friends, “We went to a wedding at the Buddhist temple and it was awesome!” Nothing like a rowdy hoe-down to destroy the stereotype of Buddhism as a passive unfeeling religion.